What Do I Do With an Aggressive Teenager?

All the parenting books in the world can’t prepare you for teen aggression. Whether it’s started gradually and is now escalating or is something that seems to have come out of nowhere, it can be a challenge to navigate.

Usually, teens aren’t aggressive for no reason. That’s not to say that aggressive adolescent behavior is a reaction to something you have said or done. It generally means that something has happened or is contributing to your teen’s behavior.

If you’re feeling at a total loss, there are a few steps that you can take as you learn more about what may be going on with your teen.

Safety first

It should go without saying that you should always keep safety as the primary concern in your home. Your teen may only be verbally aggressive right now, but this could also change in an instant. Even if you have a teenager aggressive to parents but not siblings, this could change instantly. Take steps to protect the other children and teens in your home while also ensuring that your teen doesn’t become a danger to himself. If he’s lashing out and throwing things, he may accidentally hurt himself.

• When acting out and being aggressive, do what you can to isolate him from the rest of the family.
• Help keep him away from items that could threaten you, him, and others in the home.
• Don’t hesitate to call emergency services if things are beyond your control. Many parents don’t want to get the police involved in family situations. But, in truth, the police may just be the right people to help you and your aggressive teen take a breather.

It can be challenging to juggle the needs of your other family members while dealing with your aggressive teen. But if you start prioritizing safety, you’re headed in the right direction.

Talking to your teen during outbursts

Just how do you talk to an aggressive teenager? If your teen is in the middle of an aggressive outburst, it can feel like just trying to speak calmly to them is inflaming the situation. If the situation has escalated so that he will not listen to you, you have a few options to consider.

• Remove yourself and others from the area for safety reasons.
• Let him know calmly that you will be ready to talk, listen, and help when he is not as angry.
• If he is not physically aggressive, you could sit nearby and just listen until he tires himself out and is then perhaps more receptive to a conversation.

If your teen is in a calm state and you feel comfortable speaking with him, now is the time to open those lines of communication. Most of us don’t turn to aggressive behavior unless something has triggered it.

Has your teen been struggling in school? Do they have unresolved trauma that they aren’t equipped to cope with?

You may get him to open up and speak with you about what is going on. This would also be a good time for you to establish boundaries and reinforce home rules to your teen. Aggressive behavior can’t ever be tolerated, even if it’s your teen lashing out.

Getting help from the professionals

It can be a tough decision to reach out to professionals who are experienced with aggression in teens. However, the sooner you can get that help from a team of mental wellness professionals, the sooner you will be able to restore calm and safety in your home. There are several avenues for parents to pursue, including some of the following:

• Outpatient therapy and counseling
• Group therapy with his peers who may also struggle with anger and aggression
• Counseling at school

Individual and family counseling can be helpful. Your teen can work through his concerns during his counseling sessions. You can then work together and learn how to communicate better during family counseling sessions.

Getting your teen the correct help can often mean stepping away from outpatient treatment. At Liahona Academy, we offer comprehensive treatment plans that are adjusted to meet the needs of the individual. Our team of mental wellness professionals will work closely with your teen to address the underlying issues contributing to the aggressive behavior while keeping you involved every step of the way.