Single Moms of Sons: Turning Violence and Aggression to Control and Compassion

Sometimes, no matter how much care and attention a single mother can give her son, there are times where a teenage boy’s nature overcomes the nurturing, leaving the son to turn to violence and aggression. Even worse, when a teenage boy turns to violence and aggression, it can be difficult to help shift boys toward emotional control and compassion, especially if the source isn’t addressed. While residential treatment centers for troubled teen boys are definitely an option, there are steps that mothers can take before needing more intensive options.

Determine Why Your Son Is Lashing Out

Ideally, you would be able to talk with your son to discover the source of his aggression and violent actions. However, you may need to coordinate with your son’s school as well as pursue counseling with a therapist who specializes in working with troubled teens.

• Under peer pressure - The friends your son surrounds himself with can exert a tremendous amount of influence and pressure on your son. With the pressure he is under to act a certain way, your son may take his feelings of frustration and unhappiness out on you and other family members.
• Recent emotional upheaval - Children who have recently had a loved one pass away, moved away, have a tumultuous romantic relationship, or other emotionally impactful events can lash out to express their emotional turmoil.
• Undiagnosed learning disability - School can become incredibly difficult for a kid who has an undiagnosed learning disability such as dyslexia and language. If your son is struggling in school with their disability without support, it can cause him to act out aggressively out of frustration and embarrassment.
• Mental health struggles - Teenage boys may be more prone to lash out when struggling with mental health issues such as anxiety, bipolar, and other issues. These mental health issues need to be diagnosed by a therapist, which can be difficult if your son is resistant to therapy.
• Being bullied at home or school - Being bullied—whether at home by a family member, at school by another student or a teacher, or at their extracurricular activity—can cause a teenage boy to act out violently and aggressively as a way to control the violence.

Understanding why your son is acting out violently and with aggression isn’t an excuse for his behavior. However, by knowing where the problems may lie, you will be better equipped to help your son change his ways.

Ways Moms Can Help Aggressive Teen Sons

Single mothers don’t have to just accept that their teen sons act out aggressively. While it can be difficult as often teenage boys outgrow their mothers around this time, there are ways you as a mother can reach your son and help him overcome his violent and aggressive tendencies.

Maintain Calm And Patience

When you approach your son to talk about his behavior, it is essential that you maintain a calm atmosphere and remain patient. Most teens will feel foolish, maintaining an aggressive posture while you remain unphased and calm. Also, by remaining patient with your son, you may be able to help him regain control of himself so that he can have a real conversation with you.

Work With A Therapist

Bringing in professional help in the form of a therapist can be immensely helpful. Often, they can draw your son out in ways you can’t due to the friction in the relationship. Along with having your son attend therapy, you may want to also have family therapy. That way, the therapist can work with the whole family and help mediate some of the tougher points of contention as well as guide the conversation through high emotions. If possible, you may also want to work with a therapist yourself. Being a single mother of an aggressive and violent teenage son is draining, and a therapist can help you develop good self-care practices.

Contact Teenage Son’s School

In many cases, violent and aggressive teenage boys act out at school as well as at home. You can proactively contact your son’s school and start working with your son’s teachers and administration. Depending on your son’s needs, they may be able to make accommodations to help him to succeed again.

What To Do With An Unresponsive, Violent Teenage Boy

If these avenues don’t work out and your son continues to be aggressive, it may be time to consider a residential treatment center for troubled teen boys, such as Liahona Treatment Center. By attending a residential treatment center, your teenage boy can receive the immersive help he needs to truly change. Treatment centers like Liahona provide a highly structured environment that helps teenage boys overcome a variety of struggles with a combination of different therapeutic modalities, accredited education with small classes, healthy environment, and other benefits that can help a struggling boy change permanently. If you would like to see if our treatment center could help your troubled teenage son, please contact us. Our program advisors will be happy to talk to you and explain what our center can offer your son as well as healing for the rest of your family.