- Let your teen know the value of communication and support by showing him that you’ll be able to help him without judgment if he opens up and trusts you. With this kind of support, you may find that your teen is more likely to turn to you when he’s in over his head or feeling overwhelmed.
- Show your teen that failing at one thing doesn’t mean giving up is a good idea. Even when we do our best, sometimes we just can’t see the successes we’re hoping for. Demonstrate to your teen that if things don’t work out, you shouldn’t give up but instead look for another direction that’ll get you to your goals.
- Finish what you started. Whether it’s finishing your herb garden, your novel, or just following through on things you commit to, your teen will appreciate the guidance.
- Encourage, praise, listen, and support your teen in the ways he needs. Whether he needs guidance finding resources to address his behaviors or needs help to catch up on his schoolwork.
Should I let my son fail?
It’s natural to want to protect your child from the bad things in life, even if these bad things are the result of his own choices. Certainly, if your child’s life and physical or mental health are at risk, you should intervene as much as you can. Without intervention, there is the potential for these types of situations to escalate for your son. That said, there are some benefits for your teen if you let him experience some of the negative consequences of his behaviors, particularly if he’s making poor choices or doesn’t see that there’s a need to bother anymore.- If you cover for your teen or help him out of the sticky situations he’s landed himself in, how will he learn to take responsibility for his behaviors? Taking ownership of the consequences of his behaviors and actions will help your teen learn how to be a better-functioning adult.
- The natural consequences of behaviors and decisions will allow your child to feel discomfort in most situations. While you may not want your son to ever feel bad, the truth is that we often learn the most valuable lessons from those feelings of discomfort. For example, if your son refuses to do his homework and gets detention, he’ll be learning a much better lesson than if you were to argue with his teacher so that he doesn’t get detention.
- If your son watches you speak to his teacher to get him out of homework or detention, he’ll learn that all he needs to do is demand changes and possibly even threaten, bully, or manipulate in order to get what he wants. This is not a good lesson for anyone to learn.
- Failure is a part of life for most of us. It can serve as a lesson and help us figure out the right path forward. If your son gets a failing grade or fails a class and needs to catch up in summer school, these are opportunities to learn and improve.
- Failure can help to build valuable problem-solving skills that will serve your teen well throughout his life. If he learns that there’s always an easy way out, then he’ll find it much harder to find the better solution.
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