The Best Way to Stay Connected With Your Teen in Boarding School

Part of our children growing up into teens is learning to cope with them distancing themselves from us. This is a natural part of growing up, even though it doesn’t always feel like much fun when your once sweet and affectionate little one is now slamming doors and turning up the music to drown your voice out. When your child is struggling, and you’ve determined that going to a therapeutic boarding school is the best option for them, you may worry that you’ll never have a close relationship with them again. Your relationship may already be strained, your teen may display anger and frustration in your direction, and harsh words may have been exchanged on either side. How can you not only repair your relationship and connection with your teen but ensure that you stay connected throughout this transitory and healing stage? How do you ensure your phone calls are answered, your polite questions about how they are doing are met with polite answers? We have a few tips to help parents and teens begin to repair, restore, and rebuild their relationship while your teen is benefiting from everything that boarding school has to provide.

A changing dynamic

Up until this point in your teen’s life, you’ve been the ruling authority. You set the rules, corrected their behavior, and redirected them to better behavior and actions. As your teen has grown and grown more independent, it may have been hard for you to pull back on what has been your role since you first became a parent. With your teen in boarding school, learning further independence and other valuable life skills, it is time for you to recognize the change in your relationship dynamic. Certainly, you’ll want to be there for your teen to provide guidance and suggestions. You’ll want to be a source of companionship, someone who will listen to what they are saying and feeling. By shifting more into the position of guiding being the one providing instruction, you have the opportunity to connect with your teen on a different level. A level that recognizes his ability to make the right decisions for himself empowers him to solve and resolve his problems.

Keep the communication flowing freely

As your teen adjusts to life at boarding school, he may feel cut off and isolated from the rest of his family at home. You can help with this by keeping the lines of communication open in all possible ways. Learn from your teen, through speaking with them, what kind of connection and communication they prefer. Does he like to chat on the phone? Does he prefer text messages or video chat? By meeting your teen on his communication level, you’ll be giving him the opportunity to reach out to you when he needs or wants to. Be sure to remind your teen that he can always reach out to you and that you’ll always be there for him. It could be that your teen is not one to sporadically reach out to start a conversation with you. There’s nothing wrong with that, as frustrating as it may be at times. What you can do is create some opportunities for that communication. What this looks like will depend on your teen and your family dynamic. Perhaps it takes the form of regular phone calls that he knows to expect on a certain day and at a certain time. It could be family meals or family getaways for the weekend. It doesn’t matter what these communications look like. It matters more that you are making an effort to create a non-judgmental space for the communication to take place naturally. As a part of healthy communication, be sure to let your teen know what’s happening at home. Perhaps his sibling has a dance recital, or the family dog learned a new trick. These little touches of home can help to keep the communication open and the conversations flowing.

Don’t forget the love

Even when our teens are acting out and being quite unlikeable, we don’t stop loving them. It’s important to remind them of this love and just how without condition it is. Again, what this looks like will depend on your family and how you express how you feel. Perhaps it’s a quick text message every morning and every evening before bed. Maybe it’s sending a care package that includes some of their favorite little treats. Hopefully, it’s telling them that you love them. Hearing those little words can make a world of difference to a teen who may be struggling and feeling quite unlovable in some of his darkest moments of healing.

Keep the family traditions alive, and start new ones

One of the things that your teen may miss about being at boarding school is taking part in those family traditions. While he may have taken to rolling his eyes and kicking up a fuss about family dinners, he will likely miss them when he’s not at home with the rest of the family. While he can’t come home for family dinners on Friday night while he’s away at boarding school, there are still ways that you can help to keep him involved in family traditions. Remind him that the family will revive the family dinner tradition with his favorites on the dinner table next time he’s home on break. Start new traditions such as swinging by a local ice-cream place to get a cone when you drop him off or pick him up. Plan for family camping trips or hikes on spring breaks or winter breaks. Whatever the traditions are, make sure that they will fuel him with the memories he needs when he starts to feel disconnected from the rest of the family.

Learn what is important to him

Connecting with your teen can be challenging enough, even when you’re under the same roof. When he’s away at boarding school, it can feel almost impossible to find a way to connect with him. Something that you can do is to find out what is important to him. How does he like to have fun? Does he enjoy bird watching? Perhaps fishing is his secret passion? It could be that he’s a budding geologist. Find out what he loves, what he prioritizes, and use it to spark up conversations with him. These conversations can turn into opportunities to form connections and friendships with your teen. It should go without saying that life with teens can be challenging. Trying to reconnect and stay connected with a teen at a boarding school can bring a whole new layer of complexity. Treat your teen like an independently minded equal, like someone you are friends with and enjoy spending time with. He is sure to appreciate and recognize the efforts you’re making as he works on the concerns he’s facing while away at school.